You really can't catch the wise man's 5kg pure "Gold".

You really can't catch the wise man's 5kg pure "Gold".

A few years ago, Joseph was finally given an exit permit by the Russians

and allowed to emigrate to Israel to join his family.

He was told that he could only take what he could pack into one suitcase.

At the Moscow airport he was stopped by an enormous customs officer who

glared at him and snarled, "Open the case!"Joseph opened the case and the Russian rummaged through the meagre belongings

and pulled out a large bundle wrapped in old copies of Pravda.

He unwrapped it to reveal a bust of Stalin and kissed it.

"What is that?" snarled the customs officer."What is that?" said Joseph timidly. "You shouldn't ask 'What is that?' -

you should ask 'Who is that?' That is our glorious leader Stalin.

I'm taking it to my new home to remind me of all the wonderful things

that he did and the marvellous life that I am leaving behind.""I always knew that you Jews were mad!" said the official,

tossing the bust into the case. "Go!"A few hours later Joseph arrived at Ben Gurion airport and was confronted

by an Israeli customs officer. "Shalom. Welcome to Israel. Open the case!"Once again Joseph's belongings were examined and the customs officer came upon the bust. "What is that?" said the customs officer."What is that?" said Joseph indignantly. "You shouldn't ask 'What is that?'

- you should ask 'Who is that?' That is the bastard, Stalin. I'm taking it to

my new home to remind me of all the misery and suffering that he caused me

for most of my life. I want to spit on it every day for the rest of my life.""I always knew that you Russians were mad!" said the official,

tossing the bust into the case. "Go!"At last Joseph arrived in his new home and eventually got around to unpacking,

watched by his young nephew. He took out his few clothes and then carefully

unwrapped the bust of Stalin and put it on a table."Who is that?" asked his nephew."Who is that?" said Joseph with a smile. "You shouldn't ask, 'Who is that?' - You should ask, 'What is that?'

That is five kilos of gold and a just bit of black shoe polish".

கடவுளுக்கு ஒரு கடிதம்!

கடவுளுக்கு ஒரு கடிதம்!

அன்புள்ள கடவுளுக்கு!

நான் இங்கு நலமில்லை. நீ அங்கு நலமாக இருப்பாய் என்று நினைக்கிறேன்.

இங்கு உன் பெயரில் ஒரு பெரிய பிரச்சனை நடந்து கொண்டிருக்கிறது. சிலர் நீ இந்து என்றும் , சிலர் நீ முஸ்லீம் என்றும், வேறு சிலர் நீ கிறிஸ்தவன் என்றும், மற்றும் பலர் நீ வேறு பிற மதத்தை சேர்ந்தவன் என்றும் சொல்கிறார்கள். இதனால் பல வாதங்களும், குழப்பங்களும், பிரச்சனைகளும், வெட்டு குத்து என்று கொலைகளும், கொடுமைகளும் கூட நடக்கின்றன.

ஒவ்வொருவரும் நீ தன் மதத்தை சேர்ந்தவன் என்று நிரூபிப்பதற்காக நீ வேறு மதக்காரன் என்று நம்புவனை அழிக்க பார்கிறார். அவர்கள் ஆக்கியதையும் அழிக்க பார்கிறார். நீ ஒரே ஒரு முறை வந்து நீ எந்த மதம் என்று சொல்லி விட்டால், இந்த பிரச்சனை தீர்ந்து விடும். அதனால் உன்னை வர சொல்வதற்க்காக தான் இந்த கடிதத்தை எழுதினேன்.

ஆனால், இப்போது தோன்றுகிறது, நீ ஒரு வேளை வந்தால், உன்னை இன்னொரு மதக்காரனாக்கி அந்த மதக்காரர்கள் இந்த மதகாரர்களுடன் சண்டை போட ஆரம்பித்து விடுவார்கள். அதனால் தயவு செய்து இப்போது நீ இங்கு வருவதாக எதாவது எண்ணம் இருந்தால் மாற்றி கொள்ளவும்.

இங்கு இப்போது இருக்கும் நிலைமையில் உன்னை, கடவுள் என்று தன்னை சொல்லி கொள்ளும் பலருள் ஒருவன் என்று சொன்னாலும் ஆச்சரிய படுவதற்கில்லை. அதனால் இப்பொது வராமலிருப்பதே உனக்கு நல்லது!

பி.கு. இன்னும் நினைக்க முடியாத பல கொடுமைகள் இங்கு நடக்கிறது. நீ பத்திரமாக இரு. மற்ற விவரம் அடுத்த மடலில்.

நன்றி - மௌனமான நேரம்!!!

Please tell me “WHY”

WHY (can anyone give the answers)

1. Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

2. Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they know there is not enough money?

3. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

4. Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?

5. Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

6. Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

7. Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

8. Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

9. Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lips”?

10. If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

11. Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

12. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

13. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

14. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

15 Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

16. How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

17. When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, “It’s all right?” Well, it isn’t all right, so why don’t we say, “That hurt, you stupid idiot?”

18. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

19. In Winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in Summer, when we complained about the heat in Summer?

20. How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

A different Love letter and a beautiful(wicked) reply to it

A different Love letter and a beautiful reply to it. Often happens in life
A teenage college guy sent a love letter (in Q/A format) to his classmate.

My Dearest Reshma,

Please answer the following questionnaire. For Options (a)10 marks,
(b) 5marks and (c) 3 marks.

1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:

(a) of love
(b) you couldn't control seeing me
(c) really … am I doing it?

2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because:

(a) you always like to see me smiling
(b) you are testing whether I like jokes
(c) you are attracted by my smile

3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped singing because:

(a) you are so coy to sing before me
(b) my presence influenced you
(c) you feared that whether I'll like your song

4) When you were showing your child photo, when I asked for it, you hide it because:

(a) you felt ashamed
(b) you felt uneasy
(c) you don't know

5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and you took only my friend's because:

(a) you enjoyed my disappointment
(b) you won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) you don't know

6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus

(a) you were waiting for me
(b) you were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus
(c) that bus was crowded

7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:

(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) you just want to know what your parents think about me
(c) just you felt like introducing me to them

8) I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on your head because:

(a) to fulfill my wish
(b) you like roses
(c) by chance you got a rose

9) On that day, it was my birthday. you too came to temple early at 6:00 AM because:

(a) you want to pray along with me
(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual

If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don't delay
in expressing it. If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is
budding in your heart and it's getting ready to bloom. If you have
scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not.
Eagerly awaiting your reply..

love,
Aakash
——————————–
Reshma's reply letter was also in Q/A format.

Aakash,

Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.

1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the class, sees them.

(a) Yes
(b) No

2) If a girls laughs and looks anyone, is it love?

(a) Yes
(b) No

3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she stop singing or not ?

(a) Yes
(b) No

4) I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo. You poked your nose inside, right ?

(a) Yes
(b) No

5) I avoided to hold your hand during trekking. Couldn't you understand yet?

(a) Yes
(b) No

6) Should I not wait for my best friend (Anjali) at the bus stand?

(a) Yes
(b) No

7) Shouldn't I introduce you to my parents as a friend?

(a) Yes
(b) No

8) You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana's flower. Is it true ?

(a) Yes
(b) No

9) Oh was that your birthday. That's why I could see you in temple. I come daily to Temple. Do you know?

(a) Yes
(b) No

If you have answered "Yes" to any of the question, then I am not lovingyou. If you have answered "No", then you don't know the meaning of Love.

Hope everything is clear to you.
Reshma

Some Important Laws Which Newton Forgot to State...

LAW OF QUEUE:

If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster
than the one you are in now.


LAW OF TELEPHONE :

When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR :

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.


LAW OF THE WORKSHOP:

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.


LAW OF THE ALIBI:

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat
tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.


BATH THEOREM:

When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.


LAW OF ENCOUNTERS:

The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are
with someone you don't want to be seen with.


LAW OF THE RESULT:

When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!


LAW OF BIOMECHANICS :

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.


LAW OF COFFEE:

As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask
you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold .

Presence of mind

Presence of mind:

Once, a dog lost his way deep into the jungle.
He almost fainted to see a lion coming straight to him at a very near
distant.

"I will be dead today" , thought he.
There were some bones lying over there.
He turned his back towards lion and started pretending as if he is eating
those bones.

When lion was very close to him he cried out loudly "Wow, what a fun
eating a lion, by chance if I can get another one, it will be a treat ".
Lion thought "What a dangerous dog!!!!! He kills lions and eats it. Let me
run away from here and save my life ".

Now, there was a Monkey hiding on the tree there watching the entire show.
He thought "It's a good chance to tell the truth to the lion. Lion will
become my friend and I will not have to run saving my life from him ". He
just ran away to inform the entire episode to Lion.
The dog had seen him going and quickly understood the ploy.
Both lion and monkey were coming back to the dog and the lion was
furious.
When lion was very close to him he again cried out loudly " It has been
half an hour and yet that stupid monkey can't fetch another lion??!!!!". .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.





Morale: "It is by presence of mind in untried emergencies that the native
metal of man is tested."


We are not rewarded for having a brain,

But for using it...

Schultz Philosophy

Schultz Philosophy

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz , the creator of the "Peanuts" comic strip.
You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just read the "entire" e-mail straight through, and you'll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America Contest.

4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.

6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.


How did you do?


The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. They are not second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.


Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.



Easier?
* The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are NOT the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards.

"They are the ones who care. "




Share this with those who have made a difference in your life.

I just did!


"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.

It's already tomorrow in Japan

Gandhiji meets Vijay Mallya

who is clever?

This is dedicated 2 all kadalai mannans of ceceeee unlike 2 ppl like me......

One day, a girl, 16yrs old, heared from her mother
that if she will do
a regular prayer for 4 yrs, a divine "Devi" will
come to her dreams &
give her 3 boons (Varam). So she decided to do it.
She completed 4
yrs successfully, doing prayer regularly.


Now it was a day for "Devi" to come. So she slept
earlier with
thoughts in her mind to ask. And, really a "Devi"
comes in her dreams.
Now this is the dialogue between them.

Devi: O Girl, you prayed to me regularly within last
4 yrs, so I am
very very happy with you. I will complete any of
your 3 wishes. You
can ask anything you like, but there is one
condition.

Girl: Condition!, what is that?

Devi: You have a boy-friend?

Girl: Yes.

Devi: When you were do ing a prayer, he was waiting
for you, so he also
sacrificed same as you. Moreover, he didnt know
anything about boon
and all, so he is also eligible for the boons. So
whatever you will
ask, he will get 10 times more than that of you. If
you are agreed,
then proceed for the 1st boon.

Girl: (After thinking for some time ... ): Yes, I am
ready.

Girl: 1st, Make me 10 times richer than the richest
person in the world.

Devi: But your boy-friend will be 10 times richer
than you.

Girl: It's OK.

Devi: Be as you wish!

Girl: 2nd, Make me 10 times more beautiful than the
most beautiful
girl inthe world.

Devi: But your boy-friend will be 10 times handsome
than the most
handsome boy in the world.

Girl: It's OK.

Devi: Be as you wish.
<>Devi: Now the last boon remains.

Girl: O Devi, please give me a MILD HEART-ATTACK.

Devi: What? Are you sure!

Girl: Yes. Very sure!

Devi: Be as you wish.

Think friends,

what happened to her boy-friend, he got a severe
heart-attack & died
at once, while the girl remained alive. Thus, the
girl became the
world's most beautiful girl and the richest one,
too.

Moral of the story: So intelligent the girls are!
Girls are really
more intelligent than we believe about them to be.
So be careful boys!

Now, girls please stop reading ... boys continue
till the end of the
mail .....

******

******
******

******
******

******
******

******
******

******
******

******

******

******

******

******

******

******

******

******

******

******

Dear boys, dont worry, actually what done is
something different than
what you all think! Actually, the girl's boy-friend
got a
heart-attack, 10 TIMES MILDER than that of the girl.
So the boy-friend
lived longer than the girl, being world's richest
and the most
handsome boy.

Moral of the story: Dear boys, the girls are not
really that much
intelligent than what we believe them to be. So dont
worry if you
think that you have girl-friend, intelligent than
you.

Deadlock

For a better resolution click on the image....

NEVER GO TO HR People

After 3 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings,

He told his HR Manager his observation. The boss looked at him,laughed and asked him to sit down saying; My friend, you have not worked here for even one day.

The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.

Manager:- How many days are there in a year?

Man:- 365 days and some times 366

Manager:- how many hours make up a day?

Man:- 24 hours

Manager:- How long do you work in a day?

Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.

Manager:- So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?

Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3(one third)

Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?

Man:- 122 (1/3×366 = 122 in days)

Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?

Man:- No sir

Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?

Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days

Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have?

Man:- 18 days.

Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that 14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?

Man:- 4 days

Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?

Man:- No sir!

Manager:- Do you come to work on workers day?

Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?

Man:- 2 days sir!

Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?

Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?

Man:- 1 day sir!

Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?

Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?

Man:- None sir!

Manager:- So, what are you claiming?

Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realize that I was stealing Company money all these days.

Moral: NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!

டஜன் காரணங்கள்!!!